Sports cars and green highlights

One shouldn't not be left unemployed because an idle mind is dangerous. At least mine was. Only one week into my unemployment, I had contemplated buying a sports car. It didn't stop at contemplation. My idle took it further. I read up the specs on TT and Z4, the two cars I was thinking of buying, working out my finances, set aside money for the car. I wanted to go test drive the two cars once I passed my driving test. Then I failed. It was yesterday. It served as a wakening call - "hey girl, slow down. think. is that the best use of resources. are you a good steward?"

Then my idle mind was at work again. Today, I highlighted my hair green. Large streaks of green on my fringe and at the back of my hair. As I walked towards Borders, people on the street were throwing me glances. They were, I assumed, looking at my green highlight.

I went to a boutique which I frequent later in the evening. The salesgirls were a little shocked when they saw my green highlights. "You are getting rebellious," one of them said and she also pointed out that I had taken a liking for Cop Copine clothes, which are favoured by those who seek clothes which are alternative with a funky flair.

What's wrong with me? What's with the green highlights and the sports car? An article in the magazine "Details" that I read many months ago on Harrison Ford came to mind. Harrison had been spotted wearing a diamond stud on his newly pierced ear. The caption said - Anyone who wear a stud is nothing but a stud. Midlife crisis - the article tried to explain Harrison's stud.

Am I discontent with life? Am I seeking an alternative lifestyle that might give me happiness while the old one has failed for so many years?

Or am I just rebelling or I should say giving up? Why so much restraints? Why so much contemplation on doing things right, right with what? So much contemplation and yet so much went wrong.

Why did I knock down that pole when I did not knock down any pole when doing my parking practices? Why did those people on the road drive worse than me and yet has a license to drive? Why are those people entitled to driving porsche when I am feeling guilty about buying a Z4? So what if I exercise a little restraint and not buy a Z4 and get instead some lousy jap cars that is more fitting with what people think I should get. Didn't I see a lexus parked at ARPC last sunday? So who can buy a Z4? And why do I want one?

I want to feel that there is at least one thing in my life that will move according to my steering when so many other things went wrong in my life. Things that I want badly I can't have. So at least one thing will have to act according to my will and it has to be a powerful car and not a 1.4l jap car. So that I can slip into that thing and for one perfect afternoon, I would be deluded that I am still in control.

I am just a bitter old woman. What's worse? I am now a bitter old woman with green hair.

D, you are such a pathetic person. What are you going to do with your green hair now?

Errr.....wear cop copine to match with the green hair and try to look funky?

Sigh.....