Lost in translation
I don't deny. I would admit that I am out of syn. I am craving for what my movie campanion said she was craving after watching Lost In Translation. She exclaimed that the movie had poignantly pointed out that every human needed to feel connected with another person, needed that meeting of minds. She craved that.
I crave. I hunger. But I also have been supressing. I tried to do something. However, those attempts were lame, lame because I was lazy. Sometimes, those attempts were nothing but a passing thought. Sometimes, I did do something - I left and stayed away for a few weeks. Then I would feel guilty. I would come back. Sometimes it wasn't guilt that I came back, it was because I didn't know where to go.
Time passed. Three years passed. I gasped. Like a bad relationship, I let it drag. You stayed in one because you tell yourself it is not that bad. Every relationship is the same. There are times that are bad. But mostly, you are just in denial. You have nothing in common. Leave! The only thing in common is God and that really is it. Is it ok to ask for more, for a connection, to feel that you are understood, to want to spend time outside what is required because you are enjoying your time together.
Wait. Guilt. What if another three years pass? Is it so bad to want to enjoy your company? Or do i not deserve that? No wonder I want to hide in my room.
Maybe now it has become critical because I really feel alone. Now I am seeing her face again at that movie. I am seeing her face and hearing her say: D, I crave for that connection.
Met N for lunch today. Maybe I am responsible for this that N is now my only friend. What a sad truth. Now things are worse. I can't come out for lunch too often. His workload somehow got a lot heavier and there are some other things keeping him busy during the weekends.
It became apparent that I am in a bad relationship. I am lost in translation. Is it time to break up?
I crave. I hunger. But I also have been supressing. I tried to do something. However, those attempts were lame, lame because I was lazy. Sometimes, those attempts were nothing but a passing thought. Sometimes, I did do something - I left and stayed away for a few weeks. Then I would feel guilty. I would come back. Sometimes it wasn't guilt that I came back, it was because I didn't know where to go.
Time passed. Three years passed. I gasped. Like a bad relationship, I let it drag. You stayed in one because you tell yourself it is not that bad. Every relationship is the same. There are times that are bad. But mostly, you are just in denial. You have nothing in common. Leave! The only thing in common is God and that really is it. Is it ok to ask for more, for a connection, to feel that you are understood, to want to spend time outside what is required because you are enjoying your time together.
Wait. Guilt. What if another three years pass? Is it so bad to want to enjoy your company? Or do i not deserve that? No wonder I want to hide in my room.
Maybe now it has become critical because I really feel alone. Now I am seeing her face again at that movie. I am seeing her face and hearing her say: D, I crave for that connection.
Met N for lunch today. Maybe I am responsible for this that N is now my only friend. What a sad truth. Now things are worse. I can't come out for lunch too often. His workload somehow got a lot heavier and there are some other things keeping him busy during the weekends.
It became apparent that I am in a bad relationship. I am lost in translation. Is it time to break up?
posted by eternal bough at 12:23 AM
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