Reality Bites

"There's no point to any of this.
It's all just a...
A random lottery of meaningless tragedy...
and a series of near escapes.
So I take pleasure in the details, you know.
A Quarter-Pounder with cheese.
Those are good.
The sky about... ten minutes before it starts to rain.
The moment where your laughter becomes a cackle.
And I sit back, and I... I smoke my Camel straights.
And I ride my own melt."

From Lisa Loeb to Stay (I miss you) to missing him to Reality Bites, I am my past and present. I am of riding my own melt and of eternity. I am of meaninglessness and I am of the truth.

Those of my age would have lived through their twenties in the 90s and would have watched Reality Bites and would relate to the hero and heroines who are incapable of any human sensibilities to realize how uninspiring their cynism and sarcasm are and how disgusting that Gen-X attitude that the world is not good enough for us because we are the smart ones.

"And they wonder why those of us in our twenties...
refuse to work an 80-hour week...
just so we can afford to buy their BMWs...
why we aren't interested...
in the counterculture that they invented...
as if we did not see them disembowel their revolution...
for a pair of running shoes."


No….not the world, not its defined ways of success. We did worse. We used it as an excuse for our selfishness, for our callous and irresponsible behavior that spawned pain, regrets and days of pondering the irony of it all. How do we repair ‘all the damages we inherit’ and acquire?

"Fellow graduates, the answer is simple.
The answer is...
The answer is...
I don't know."

The scary thing is you are still living in your twenties. Once you reached your twenties, it is a pathology you can’t quite leave.

"I want to do that again. I want to just...
look up at the stars and take the time to...
smell the...
everything.
Because it's like... do you ever have those moments in life...
where everything is OK? Do you know what I mean?
Just for, like, one moment, everything is great."

(note: those in quotes are from Reality Bites.)

懷念

今天想听張清芳的《我還年輕》因為在懷念台北。我想念那個亂得讓我無發全心愛它的城市。那個有颱風，有五月天，有我和友人２０００年但被遺望的約定的城市。因為在懷念台北，在听張清芳的歌，也漸然的想起他們，想起那段強說愁的日子，想起所聽的歌，所編的夢，還有那不惟虎的純質。現在昨日夢已遠，多年的基礎原來是壘齊來的無奈。張清芳出了１５年的紀念專集而我心情還不定。

Sleep All Day

There are two reasons why one won't write. She is either held hostage by other things or she is enjoying a season of joy. I wish my reason for not writing is the latter. For the first time for a longest time, I am not in hurry to go do something to stimulate me. I am not writing because I am miserably tired. I can't seem to get rid of the huge clamp that seem to be holding very tightly on my head. I was just to sleep. But there is so much to be done. I watch the things I love slipping away. I don't want them to fade away from my life. It is Sunday. Thinking of the next week makes me squirm. What if I can't pull through another week. I just want to sleep and not to wake up for a really long time.

The good thing is I am not living my life feeling that there is something's missing. I have too much. I just want to sleep for the whole day, or for many weeks and for many years. I don't want to wake up anymore. I don't want to wake up to a huge clamp holding my head even though there are also sunshine, cool music, gentle breeze and friends to care for.


Sleep All Day
words & music by jason mraz

His after moan though cries oh no
He's building up a shine but he take it slow
And he knows it time to make a change here And time to get away
And he knows it's time for all the wrong reasons And time to end the pain
But he sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over again
Why don't we?

She said what would your mother think and how would your father react oh lord
Would he take it all back what they've done
No way he said take it, take it and don't break it with your own two hands
That was my old man and he said
if all is grounded you should go make a mountain out of it

oh what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie
recalling of the while we used to drive and drive here and there
going nowhere but for us, nowhere but for the two of us
and we knew it was time to take a chance here
and time to compromise our lives for awhile
and it was time for all the wrong reasons
but time is often on my side and I give it to you tonight
and we sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over again

as time goes by we get a little bit tired waking and baked another Marlboro mile wide
it's sending the boys on the run in the time in hot summer sun
to swim beneath or over outside as they're reading between the lines
then they remember the part in the hallmark card where they read about the dreams
and reaching for the stars to hold on a little bit closer to
and they knew it was time, time to take a chance here
time to compromise our little lives for just a little while
and they knew it was time for all the wrong reasons
as time is often on my side and I give it to you, oh boy
and we sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over again

She said what would your mother think and how would your father react oh lord
Would he take it all back what they've done
No way he said take it, take it and don't break it with your own two hands
That was my old man and he said
if all is grounded you should go make a mountain out of it

Coool Dude

I moved to my new desk, right beside the windows and a new neighbour. And this new neighbour is a little ......check him out.


``Hey, how's your weekend? Did anything exciting?'' He asked.

``I think it is exciting but you may not think so.'' I answered, already deep into my story. He came in late and still had time for idle chat. Way to go, neighbour!!!

``Bible study on Sat. Church on Sunday.'' I answered flatly. Ok, go on, call me the Capital C Church girl.

Peace and quiet for a few minutes.

``Hey, you think Singapore will be able to survive without PAP?'' He asked.

I took a deep breath. Can't you tell i am really busy, neighbour. I have no time to expound my politcal idealogies if I have any.

``Yes, we will survive.'' I answered flatly. Ok, but don't ask why.

``Oh, that is coming from a Singaporean. Ok, cool. Singapore will survive then.'' Arrrggggghhhhhh.....

Peace and quiet for another few minutes.

``Hey, do you have a bomb shelter in your apartment?''

``NO!'' Irritated.

``Is there going to be a bomb shelter in your new apartment?''

``NO.'' It was a really really flat no. Is it that very obvious to you that I am really busy. Didn't you attend the morning bureau meeting? Didn't you hear that I have to work on this story, on top the million things I have to do? I can't discuss bomb shelter with you, dude!!!

``Oh, isn't it scary that apartments in Singapore have bomb shelter? Who did they think are going to attack singapore? The Terriorists? '' He laughed.

I took a deep breath.

Ok, Mr ask a lot of irrelevant question dude. You want to talk, I will talk.

``No, not the terrorists. It is the aliens that they are afraid of.'' I answered. ( what? I am trying to have an engaging conversation.)

He laughed and looked at me as if I was the stupidest person he had ever met. Good! Then he won't want to talk to a stupid person. Good. Good.

``hahah...why would the aliens want to visit Singapore in the first place? A tiny dot on the map,'' He laughed. He was convinced I was stupid.

``Oh, because the aliens find it easy to find us. We are right on the equater.'' I answered flatly. Ok, that should do it. He won't want to talk to me forever. Good thinking.

In the afternoon at 3pm.

``Hey, what is that you are eating?'' He asked looking at my half opened chocolate wafer.

``Err....chocolate wafer? I haven't had lunch.'' ~Can't you tell from the "aliens are coming to attack Singapore" conversation that I really don't want to talk to you?~

``Oh, why? you should have lunch. Lunch is a very important meal. Why don't you want to have lunch?''

YES. you think I am idiot or what. I am rushing out my stuff. I have no time to talk or even to go bathroom. I really really can't talk to you.

``You want some? You can have this.'' I offered him my wafer because he kept looking at it while talking.

``No no. I am not going to take your wafer. You haven't had lunch. Why? You should have lunch. Why don't you go out to have lunch?''

STOP ASKING!!!!

``Because I have to answer your questions and they really take up a lot of time.'' I said.

''Oh..oh...oh....oh..oh...oh......" That is his way of expressing relevation. He has no ambition to be Mr Santa Claus. No worries. But he still looked at my wafer.

I looked at my wafer. Then I looked at him looking at my wafer. Then I looked at wafer.

``You can get this from the pantry. You want me to get you some?''

``Oh...oh...oh....you got this from the pantry. Oh...oh...oh...oh....'' Then he disappeared.

Minutes later....

``Oh they are really good. These wafers....hmmmm....''

He is back!!!!!

``oh...oh...oh....you got those wafers and you are eating them?'' I said.

``Ya....they are good. but I don't know whether I like this weird looking animal on the wrapper.'' He said.

Well, at least that weird looking animal is on a wrapper and it doesn't talk. You should be grateful.