Help, SDU is closing down

Here's something strange: I find myself having to explain to others why I am single very often. Often, they are people I interview for my stories, people who are in senior management. I am flattered, of course, a person who moves billion dollars of deals a year would be interested in my single status.

Today, Mr. Big was explaining to me on the phone why he thinks XXX bank would get a very significant deal in the market.

``She's in love with him,'' Mr Big explained over the phone. ``He is quite a looker, very good looking.''

``REALLY,'' I exclaimed. ``WHO WHO WHO?'' I quickly looked over my list of contacts that was in front of me. ``I thought the best looking banker in xxx market is from xxx bank, not from this bank. That guy was said to be the peanut of xxxx''

``Hey, you are married, you shouldn't lust after other men,'' Mr Big cautioned.

``huh? who said I am married? '' I said, puzzled, still searching for that good looking banker on my list. ``What's his name?''

``OH REALLY,'' Mr. Big sounded even more puzzled than I was. ``I am under the impression that you are. You don't like kids and you don't seem to like men very much.'' (ya lar, I am gay la. is it? hmmmm......suddenly feeling a little self-conscious. Do I appear as if I don't like men? funny.)

``No, I don't like kids and that is why I don't get the men,'' I gave a quick answer to brush him aside and tried to gear him towards telling me more about that goodlooking banker. ``So who is he? What's his name?''

``Why don't you want to get married and have kids? You seem like a good mother.'' Mr. Big said. (huh? good mother? is he insulting me. women who are called good mothers are ugly.)

``So, he is a chinese?'' A banker's name came to mind.

``No, he is an ang mo,'' Mr Big said. (cute, an angmo calling another angmo, ok. so he is not telling me the banker's name...sian.)

``Ok, so you are not married but you have a boyfriend,'' Mr Big asked.

``No, I am single.'' I said. (and I don't want to explain why because you won't understand. I am single because I am driving a car with a bomb that will set off if I drive below 50km/h. So I am single because I can't park my car. Do you get it? If I tell you this, would you understand? )

``Really? why? It is hard to believe an attractive lady like you would be single.'' Mr Big said. ( I wonder why people always say that you are attractive in moments like this like they are making atonement for asking you about your single status. So do you want me to explain to you why? I am single because I am driving a car with.....aiya, nevermind, you won't understand.)

``You know, coming back to our conversation on what makes a good investment. I think my wife's best investment is marrying me,'' Mr Big said and I tried not to laugh. ``You should marry a man.''

``Really? marry a man is my best investment? So why did I have to look so hard? Can I appoint you as my agent. You look for a man for me and I will give you one percent of all his future cashflow?''

``Really? Perpetually?'' E said.

``Yes, one percent.'' (good deal, right?)

``Errr....why do you need me when your government has set up SDU for you.''

``Because SDU is closing down, I need some help.'' I said. ``Please send all the men you know my way.''