Playing games
I play games sometimes.
Sometimes, I am not even conscious that I am doing that. It comes on on its own because it is so part of my system. It is a reflex. It is like a screen saver that automatically comes on when the owner of the computer leaves to get a cup of coffee. Usually, the owner defines the settings of the screen saver. He defines the number of minutes it would take for the screen saver to be on after the system has sat idling. He sets it because he wants to protect the system.
I have a game playing mode that I have built in my system. Like the screen saver, it comes on automatically because of the way I set it based on my past experiences and my current fears. It is there because of my fears to show my cards and to let my honest feelings about the person show. I am afraid that others might take advantage of that. I am hoping that by playing games, I get the other person to show his cards first before I show mine. I save myself some embarrassing moments and some painful experience. I protect myself in the process in face of the perils of the dating world.I wonder whether my screen saver is really protecting me or it has destroyed the potential of something that might have become a real relationship.
Do I have to reset my system and take out the screen saver? If so, do I know how that can be done?
Sometimes, I am not even conscious that I am doing that. It comes on on its own because it is so part of my system. It is a reflex. It is like a screen saver that automatically comes on when the owner of the computer leaves to get a cup of coffee. Usually, the owner defines the settings of the screen saver. He defines the number of minutes it would take for the screen saver to be on after the system has sat idling. He sets it because he wants to protect the system.
I have a game playing mode that I have built in my system. Like the screen saver, it comes on automatically because of the way I set it based on my past experiences and my current fears. It is there because of my fears to show my cards and to let my honest feelings about the person show. I am afraid that others might take advantage of that. I am hoping that by playing games, I get the other person to show his cards first before I show mine. I save myself some embarrassing moments and some painful experience. I protect myself in the process in face of the perils of the dating world.I wonder whether my screen saver is really protecting me or it has destroyed the potential of something that might have become a real relationship.
Do I have to reset my system and take out the screen saver? If so, do I know how that can be done?
posted by eternal bough at 1:23 PM
1 Comments:
haha... PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR SCREEN SAVER!!
EB, i must say, sometimes when i read your blog, i almost fell off my chair! it was like reading about myself--just that i didn't realize it, or i couldn't express in words as well as you do! thanks for just that!
now back to the screen saver, i think it's actually pretty easy to turn it off if put your pride aside a little (just a little bit). yes, i was playing the same game for while... it wasn't fun. it made me miserable. what happened was, the other party started to play the same game!! (he's not stupid you know...) no fun mah! yes, i did try to make him show his cards first... but i wasn't even sure if i want to show mine if he showed his. that is so mean, don't you think? we fear to be hurt, yet it seems like it's okay to hurt the other party?! anyhow, last week, i finally decided to "turn off my screen saver"... and i feel like he wanted to turn his too... i don't know what's going to happen, but at least i'm feeling better now...
well, i know this comment is kind of LATE! but keep it in mind the NEXT time. ;)
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