Substance abused
I had a thought and I went with it. I wanted to have a glass of Bombay Sapphire and tonic. So I opened my cupboard and took out the opened bottle of Bombay Sapphire. I searched my fridge but I couldn’t find any tonic water. I sighed and took out instead a bottle of Hoegarden which had been chilling in there for months.
If I were a guy, I would be into alcohol, fast cars and women. But I am not a guy. So when I am weak, I would drink a little more. When I am stressed, I would smoke a pack. I am probably the most unchristian Christian. Bah! I could wave off criticisms because I am individualistic. I care about what others think of me but I also can block them out fairly easily.
But I can’t, isn’t it? I don’t only represent myself. I am part of a royal priesthood. I have a duty to uphold. My actions will stumble others if I don’t choose rightly.
Reading Neonangel’s entry Bent but not Broken has my conscience pricked and me, being weak, turn to my Hoegarden to drown that nagging voice. And where are my ciggies? Ah! I have quit for a while. I am useless!
So I will lose my faith through despair? Then D, just pray harder and don’t let yourself slip, don’t let your faith slip. As far as you want to love that guy, you can’t because you are representing God.
I don’t know what Neonangel is struggling with or what life choices she has made to put her in that uncomfortable position. Whether it is similar to my issues, it doesn’t really matter. All of us have hard choices to make. They are equally painful.
The duty to rightly represent that royal priesthood is far more important than satisfying our selfish desires, to relieve ourselves of that pain because we can’t cope and have turned to despair. And what despair? I have prayers. I can turn to Him.
“There is a Truth in the world and it takes the choices of ordinary men and women to preserve it.” Neonangel wrote.
Our choices are not just about us. I love my Father. I know He is concerned about the millions out there and He needs me to make the right choices because He needs them to make the right choices. He needs me to be his agent to safeguard the salvation of the millions out there and their lives, not just to preserve my own salvation and my life.
I have been given the freedom of choice so that I can choose willingly to believe in Him, and then to choose willingly to live according to His ways.
I have abused my freedom of choice.
And neonangel have said it more elegantly than I have. So go read her entry, I beg. Don't let my iniquity mislead you.
And so she wrote, ".......the world has enough of people like that, inside and outside the church. If I add to that, I am just propagating the very culture that I wish to stop."
If I were a guy, I would be into alcohol, fast cars and women. But I am not a guy. So when I am weak, I would drink a little more. When I am stressed, I would smoke a pack. I am probably the most unchristian Christian. Bah! I could wave off criticisms because I am individualistic. I care about what others think of me but I also can block them out fairly easily.
But I can’t, isn’t it? I don’t only represent myself. I am part of a royal priesthood. I have a duty to uphold. My actions will stumble others if I don’t choose rightly.
Reading Neonangel’s entry Bent but not Broken has my conscience pricked and me, being weak, turn to my Hoegarden to drown that nagging voice. And where are my ciggies? Ah! I have quit for a while. I am useless!
So I will lose my faith through despair? Then D, just pray harder and don’t let yourself slip, don’t let your faith slip. As far as you want to love that guy, you can’t because you are representing God.
I don’t know what Neonangel is struggling with or what life choices she has made to put her in that uncomfortable position. Whether it is similar to my issues, it doesn’t really matter. All of us have hard choices to make. They are equally painful.
The duty to rightly represent that royal priesthood is far more important than satisfying our selfish desires, to relieve ourselves of that pain because we can’t cope and have turned to despair. And what despair? I have prayers. I can turn to Him.
“There is a Truth in the world and it takes the choices of ordinary men and women to preserve it.” Neonangel wrote.
Our choices are not just about us. I love my Father. I know He is concerned about the millions out there and He needs me to make the right choices because He needs them to make the right choices. He needs me to be his agent to safeguard the salvation of the millions out there and their lives, not just to preserve my own salvation and my life.
I have been given the freedom of choice so that I can choose willingly to believe in Him, and then to choose willingly to live according to His ways.
I have abused my freedom of choice.
And neonangel have said it more elegantly than I have. So go read her entry, I beg. Don't let my iniquity mislead you.
And so she wrote, ".......the world has enough of people like that, inside and outside the church. If I add to that, I am just propagating the very culture that I wish to stop."
posted by eternal bough at 10:23 PM
3 Comments:
there will always be tough places to be in but Truth and Love always prove tougher than we can imagine. The heart can be a nuisance of a muscle - getting us in emotional fixes here and there.
You have made a really tough decision to live with...I don't know the whole story but for now, I don't need to. Whatever the circumstance, I pray that God will be the true strength of your heart. He will stitch over wounds and restore peace and rest in you again. We wont understand how, but He will.
Be well, D :)
Go read "Travelling Mercies" by Anne Lamott.
to chris: read that book already lei.
to neonangel: thanks for your entry and thanks for your encouragement.
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