Gravity - a story
I finally finished and sent it off to a few pairs of eyes. Two months of late night writing, rewriting, a few thousand-word story, editing and re-editing.
I know this is the best I could do on my own. I need someone’s discerning eyes on the piece so as to point out the blind spots that I couldn’t see on my own. Then it will be all over again – writing and rewriting, editing and re-editing.
Compared to Ophelia, which only took a few nights of writing, Gravity had me worked at it for a number of nights over two months, with many lattes and muffins. The Starbucks near my place must have made quite a tidy sum of money over the last few weeks.
I spent an hour praying in the afternoon today. Suddenly, it rained and the construction near my place stopped, giving me an hour of peace, The rain resumed after that one hour, making it conscious to me that God’s hands are everywhere, in every parts of my life, down to every details, including that hour of quiet prayers.
I looked at Gravity, the finished story. He was there too. He has given me an outlet of expression so that for some pockets of my days, I could spend on something pleasurable, just typing at my ibook. I looked at my pair of hands that I have used to type the story, which has given considerable pleasure and enjoyment. I thank God for that pair of hands. For that, I am grateful.
So here's parts of chapter 1 to the story that had given me so much pleasure writing:-
~one~
The next big thing
Jen clutches her shirt at where her heart is. Her heart, which has been giving her problems lately is stinging with pain. She wants to retire early.
Jen types faster on her white laptop, trying to finish as soon as possible, a story she is working on a rock band - Freaks. The rock band has just launched its second album. Its debut album entered last year’s chart as number one.
Her lead for the story: Is Freaks the next big thing?
Jen has lost count throughout her five years as a music journalist for Daily Tribune the number of times music journalists like her have used that term to describe a new band as soon as it starts to show some signs of becoming a wild success.
The music industry seems to have found a way of producing one “next big thing” after another, a way the industry regenerates itself, keeping it fresh for the scores of fans who depend on it to give them rock bands which verbalize in bitter-sweet tunes their pain, their angst and their frustrations. The “next big thing” would replace the last one when the last one collapses under the weight of the industry’s demanding critique or disintegrates when the band’s own creativity starts to wane.
It was five years ago that she took up the position, which was vacated by a veteran journalist after 20 years as a music critic for Daily Tribune. Towards the end of his career, the veteran journalist’s preference took a turn for bands that produced sinisterly dark music and often gave unflattering reviews to bands that usually appeal to the mainstream audience. When those bands became a hit, he lost his credibility and soon his following dwindled in size. When complaints started streaming in from record companies and from music fans, he was asked to leave.
She took over him after one year of covering stories on local celebrities for the daily. Her assets: a youthful innocence and a liking for easy-listening tunes and romantic melodies, music that is palatable to the mainstream audience who formed the bulk of the daily’s readership.
Her first interview as a music journalist was with Gravity’s front man, a band adorned by the industry critics as the “next big thing.” Gravity’s debut album had topped the billboard chart for weeks and garnered raving reviews from international papers. It was an unexpected success from a band that offered alternative non-mainstream music.
Her interview with Gravity’s front man, who was also the band’s lead guitarist and vocalist, Tom Ling, was some time in September five years ago.
Some time in September five years ago, she sat opposite him in a chic hotel room and watched him shift himself several times on the sofa he was sitting on trying to find a comfortable spot. At one point, he kept pushing himself against the sofa, while doing so made his discomfort with the arrangement obvious. The room in the stylishly luxurious hotel had lush draperies, expensive art deco furniture and a high ceiling that made everyone and everything in the room seemed so small.
She looked at him while he kept up with his efforts in finding a perfect spot on the sofa. She watched him pushed himself again against the sofa, as if he was rejecting the position his successful career had put him in, to face attention so that his band could get more. Like the high ceiling in the room, success had made his world seemed larger and made him feel smaller, less in control of his own fate.
“Hi, Jen from Daily Tribune.”
I know this is the best I could do on my own. I need someone’s discerning eyes on the piece so as to point out the blind spots that I couldn’t see on my own. Then it will be all over again – writing and rewriting, editing and re-editing.
Compared to Ophelia, which only took a few nights of writing, Gravity had me worked at it for a number of nights over two months, with many lattes and muffins. The Starbucks near my place must have made quite a tidy sum of money over the last few weeks.
I spent an hour praying in the afternoon today. Suddenly, it rained and the construction near my place stopped, giving me an hour of peace, The rain resumed after that one hour, making it conscious to me that God’s hands are everywhere, in every parts of my life, down to every details, including that hour of quiet prayers.
I looked at Gravity, the finished story. He was there too. He has given me an outlet of expression so that for some pockets of my days, I could spend on something pleasurable, just typing at my ibook. I looked at my pair of hands that I have used to type the story, which has given considerable pleasure and enjoyment. I thank God for that pair of hands. For that, I am grateful.
So here's parts of chapter 1 to the story that had given me so much pleasure writing:-
~one~
The next big thing
Jen clutches her shirt at where her heart is. Her heart, which has been giving her problems lately is stinging with pain. She wants to retire early.
Jen types faster on her white laptop, trying to finish as soon as possible, a story she is working on a rock band - Freaks. The rock band has just launched its second album. Its debut album entered last year’s chart as number one.
Her lead for the story: Is Freaks the next big thing?
Jen has lost count throughout her five years as a music journalist for Daily Tribune the number of times music journalists like her have used that term to describe a new band as soon as it starts to show some signs of becoming a wild success.
The music industry seems to have found a way of producing one “next big thing” after another, a way the industry regenerates itself, keeping it fresh for the scores of fans who depend on it to give them rock bands which verbalize in bitter-sweet tunes their pain, their angst and their frustrations. The “next big thing” would replace the last one when the last one collapses under the weight of the industry’s demanding critique or disintegrates when the band’s own creativity starts to wane.
It was five years ago that she took up the position, which was vacated by a veteran journalist after 20 years as a music critic for Daily Tribune. Towards the end of his career, the veteran journalist’s preference took a turn for bands that produced sinisterly dark music and often gave unflattering reviews to bands that usually appeal to the mainstream audience. When those bands became a hit, he lost his credibility and soon his following dwindled in size. When complaints started streaming in from record companies and from music fans, he was asked to leave.
She took over him after one year of covering stories on local celebrities for the daily. Her assets: a youthful innocence and a liking for easy-listening tunes and romantic melodies, music that is palatable to the mainstream audience who formed the bulk of the daily’s readership.
Her first interview as a music journalist was with Gravity’s front man, a band adorned by the industry critics as the “next big thing.” Gravity’s debut album had topped the billboard chart for weeks and garnered raving reviews from international papers. It was an unexpected success from a band that offered alternative non-mainstream music.
Her interview with Gravity’s front man, who was also the band’s lead guitarist and vocalist, Tom Ling, was some time in September five years ago.
Some time in September five years ago, she sat opposite him in a chic hotel room and watched him shift himself several times on the sofa he was sitting on trying to find a comfortable spot. At one point, he kept pushing himself against the sofa, while doing so made his discomfort with the arrangement obvious. The room in the stylishly luxurious hotel had lush draperies, expensive art deco furniture and a high ceiling that made everyone and everything in the room seemed so small.
She looked at him while he kept up with his efforts in finding a perfect spot on the sofa. She watched him pushed himself again against the sofa, as if he was rejecting the position his successful career had put him in, to face attention so that his band could get more. Like the high ceiling in the room, success had made his world seemed larger and made him feel smaller, less in control of his own fate.
“Hi, Jen from Daily Tribune.”
posted by eternal bough at 9:19 PM
4 Comments:
Some comments
1) The names sound suspiciously Ang Moh. Why ah?
2) It's not easy to be both lead singer and lead guitarist
3) "white laptop" sounds strangely clinically detached. Maybe you should add a modifier like "pearly"
4) Rave reviews or raving reviews?
5) Gravity and Freaks are not the same band are they?
thanks for the comments. you took the time to read and think through whatever little you read and whatever little I have posted. I am grateful.
1. no reasons. just names. Tom's name was Paul. but I changed it.
2. it is not easy. so the band has two guitarist. But you know Kurt Cobain is both.
3. dunno what to say to this. yes, maybe pearly would be good. maybe the story needs to be a little descriptive. now it is plain, stripped of metaphors.
4. rave reviews not raving. I am sure if i read, I will find more of such needed edits.
5. No. I have confused you. The use of present tense and then switching to past tense later didn't work well or I am not skilled in working out the story with two different tenses. it seems awkward for some. I need help here. And that is why you are confused by whether Gravity and Freaks are the same band. they are two different. One she is writing about now and one she wrote about five years ago.
6. do you want to read the whole story?
2) But Cobain doesn't actually do guitar riffs, so in effect the band doesn't really have a lead.
3) Yes I think a little more description in general is good, but get the plot worked out first. The soul is in the description though.
5) Not confused.. I figured it was two but there were some similarities between the two ie both debut chart toppers.
6) I don't think I could handle a book. I'm not unemployed. Bite sizes are good :)
finally, got time to do a bit of search on the bands. I am only quoting my favourite ones - green day, athlete, stereophonics, - they all have a vocalist who is a guitarist. Radiohead has a few guitarists. But thom yoke is both. And about Nirvana, yes Nirvana started with as a three-piece band, with Kurt as the vocalist and lead guitarist, Krist as the bass player and Chad as the drummer. Then chad was replaced with Dave later when Kurt wasn't happy with chad. Jason came on board after Bleach was recorded as a guitarist because Kurt didn't think he could cope with all the guitar playing when the songs get complicated. So Jason was given credit for Bleach even though he did not play the guitar for the album. So I see Jason as a supporting role.
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