Gravity

I stayed up late often since September 1 when I finally came up with this story idea. I have started on several stories but somehow lost interest in writing them because I don’t really feel for the characters I have created or the story idea. Or to be accurate, I should say they don’t relate to my life, not the story nor the characters.

So for those who know me would know why I would stay up late to write this one because I know this story. There are bits of me in this story. The main character is a journalist, a music journalist to be precise. She falls in love with a rock star. It is a tormenting love relationship. It is hard for her to love him, and hard for him to love her. Of course, I know that well also.

I have been spending time writing and rewriting on my notepad that I often carry with me while sipping lattes at starbucks, at spinelli and then typing it on my desktop late at night and later on my ibook when I got myself one.

Even the name of the rock band, I had spent a long time deciding. I wanted the name to mean something, something that is telling of the main character - that rock star. If possible, I wanted it also to be of their relationship. Then I gave up. I realised that the name was not important. And I worked that into the story as well. For those who eventually read the story will know how I work that into the story.

Now I am up again at almost 3am, working on the story.

The story is about me as I am about the story. There is a part where a song sparked off the relationship between the two. I had that idea while I was in a cab to work and a song by Lionel Richie was playing. I worked that song into the story.

And there were other songs, not in the story but of the story, mainly in my head. For much of what has been written so far, the songs were Creep, and mainly those by Mansun from Legacy to Stripper Vicar to Six to I can only disappoint you.

The rock star is in many ways similar to what I know of Paul Draper, the lead singer of Mansun – a tortured music genius, laden with his strong emotions and his talents. He holds on to his music like it is the only thing that could make living for him a little more tolerable.

When I was caught up writing the story, my life was about typing away at the computer, writing in the notepad, listening to my ipod, sipping lattes or various combinations of those.

Then one day while listening to Embrace's Gravity, I recalled Paul said that he had named the band Mansun while listening to the song A Man Called Sun. So I renamed the band Gravity.

So much gravity was felt. So much gravity was pulling on them, both Tom and Jen, such that living was strenuous and breathing was laborious.

3:30am. I have to go. I have to go sleep. My eye bags are getting worse. They are darker and heavier. But I am afraid to leave. I am afraid that if I do not labour on each word that is going into the story, it would disappoint me again. Gravity, I am feeling it.