Ni Voices

Too late for a story. Too good to pass them on. Voices, they have been swimming in my head, flooding my mind. I want to remember them.

``Don’t cry. Most of the time I am happy. Please don’t cry. I am happy most of the time. Really.’’

``The most difficult time was when my mom passed away. She was the only person whom I can rely on for love. She is the only person who love me unconditionally.’’

``I have many blessings. Many. So don’t cry.’’

``I have many good friends. ED is one. When I walked pass some funerals, I wonder who would come. Will there be 2 or 3 people? But those few nights, the whole place was packed full of people. My ex boss was there everyday. She said: be strong, I will be there to support you.’’

``My parents sold me for 2 dollars. My mom said I am the cheapest baby.’’

``I always feel loved. They made sure that I know I was loved.’’

``I let him eat. Luckily, I said yes. I let him. He ate.’’

``I had to make a decision then. Let her live for another few more months or a few weeks. I had to make one then. ED said why are you so selfish, let her go.’’

``When she said, mom, I have no future. That hurt a lot and deeply. I had nothing to say to her, except to tell her to live the best that she can.’’

It was her parting words that stoked fear that is already rising, fear that an enormous calamity, one that would break my bones and soul, is about to come.

``All the things I said to you may sound bad. But when these things happen, you will have strength to face them. I can assure you.’’

My mind must have been taken over by someone. I can’t seem to work it today. Those voices are still swimming in my head.